PEPPERLUNCH

okay everyone, PEPPERLUNCH looks something like this:
I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH!!!! (ok that explains why im posting about a plate of rice =__=)
i suggest everyone who reads this blog to go try it, the shop is actually called PepperLunch in townhall george st.
ive grown this scary addiction towards it, i think about eating it first thing in the morning, last thing before i sleep, and constantly during the dayy. its like a legal drug that i still cant afford T_T
i seriously wonder if they fucking spike my plate and put heroine inside .__.
my love for this shit goes way beyond saving up for a favorate thing, if i could, i might as well shove a fishnet stocking on my head and barge into the nearest 711 with a water gun, ..and ask them for 8 buks =))))))
someone wanna shout me? x) ill be enternally grateful. & i swear pepperlunch should give me free shit, this is like advertising ;D

lots& lots of droools, lucyyy

black& white

blogging about someone that ive grown close to recently =))
im sure we've talked in year 7, i have a vague impression of you.
im sure we were friends in year 8, never too close but you were one of the nicest through my rough patches.
& now we're close buddies :P
ill be very very honest with you and say that it takes a lot for me to warm up to one & love them. but you've grown on me, and i can honestly say that i love youu my friend x)
remember that one time in year 8, where you came to a party with us and had a lil too much to drink? i was a little weakling and cried when i saw yu getting piggybacked down the hill, holding a pair of tiny heels, i swear they were veryyy small heels, have no idea how you managed to fail at walking in them :LL tbh that day i was heaps shocked when i saw you in heels and a skirt, you looked so pretty but i somehow prefered the you that could jump around in your converse and comfy jeans; your honest smile and 'kiddish' comments that always made me laugh. so it hurt me to see you change for a party; it hurt me to see you the least bit tipsy; it hurt me when you showed the slightest sign of becoming me.
but everytime we speak, you teach me somthing, like how i dont need to hide who i am; like how i dont need to impress anyone; how you accepting some things doesnt mean you agree to it. thats the best thing about you, you accept me although you dont agree with me. and i have lots of faith that you will always be the strange happy creature i know, you'll always tell me whats right but you wont judge me, you'll always be a true friend that i can keep, & you'll always read my blogs and tell me "its poetic but depressing!"
maybe we were like black and white, but who said we couldnt blend? who sed grey wasnt a nice colour? ;D

with lots of love, lucyy.

ps. like the limegreen font? im thoughtful arent i x))

SAND CASTLES

i was at the beach today, not the thing to do in winter, i know, but thats who i am, i go against the right things :P
the scenery was beautiful, i sit right on what lots of people would probably only see in postcards, and my heart drifts very far, way beyond that horizon.
i soon realise that happiness may only last a few seconds, if lucky like i were today, a few hours even. after enjoying everything, the clean air, the sky, the warm sand and baking next to larissa, reality kicked in. what is reality? we had a heated discussion on how we should face reality but when it struck, neither of us could rebel it. we rebel our school, our parents and even friends, but we cannot rebel this one thing-reality. reality is ourselves, our life, who we have became.
i saw kids running around making sand castles, gorgeous creatures they were, they had eyes that reflected the clean sky. then i hear lar ask me "what does sand remind you of?"
"love" i say, "when yu grasp it too tight, it leaks out of your palm"
"time" she adds, "time and everything else that'll dissappear eventually"
why can't we be like the kids anymore? where reality was just, who built the tallest sandcastle.

after the conversation we put on makeup, wore our heels, and left whatever sand meant right behind us..

randoms =)

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?

darlingharbour.

2. Who are you in love with?

im not INlove, but i do love someone

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

the closest to that was playdough

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

my pjs, ipod shuffle, pillow, blankets & a soft toy

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?

today =)

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

stockings

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?

someday i will :P

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

dont drive T___T YET

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

yes, KARATEE KIDDD =DDDD

10. Are you hot?

no? LOL

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

wine

12. What are you wearing right now?

singlet, skirt, coat & stockings

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

i used to wash mums car =)

14. Last food that you ate?

pouridge >___>

15. Where were you last week at this time?

um um um dont remember but out somewhere, cityy?

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

nope, broke ):

17. When is the last time you ran?

FOR THE TRAIN x)

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?

haha. nice joke, um, i watched fifa like, at darlinghabour

19. What is your favorite animal?

humans ftw

20. Your dream vacation?

somewhere apart from realityy :P anything close to nature.

21. Last person's house you were in?

larissa's

22. Worst injury you've ever had?

scraped kneee :L

23. Have you been in love?

yes

24. Do you miss anyone right now?

yes ofc

25. Last play you saw?

high school muscial :P

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

ooooo~~~ my boddaaay :LLL nah jokes i have no idea .__.

27. What are your plans for tonight?

gonna get SOME sleep.

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?

dont have that shit :L

29. Next trip you are going to take?

probably to china >.>

30. Ever go to camp?

YES =) actualy camp in the wild bro.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?

yes, in primaryy.

32. What do you want to know about the future?

would it be somewhat better than now..

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

nope =) i stink :P

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

nah.

35. Where is your best friend?

i dont have a 'bestfriend' but close one is probs at her house :L

36. How is your best friend?

very tired and sick of life :L

37. Do you have a tan?

nahh, but im dark i think

38. What are you listening to right now?

没那么爱他- fan wei qi.

39. Do you collect anything?

i used to collect different 50cent coins, but i used it all >.>

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?

hahahaha one of my friends.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

dont driveee!

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

LOL all the time.

43. What does your last text message say?

kerry: I cant be bothered. Lol! I still feel a tad wierd:S that normal?

44. Do you like hot sauce?

no opinion , i like my mustard sauce :P

45. Last time you took a shower?

yday

46. Do you need to do laundry?

nup, only my personal stuff like undies :L

47. What is your heritage?

chinese ftw~~~

48. Are you someone's best friend?

i hope =)

49. Are you rich?

AHAHAHAH no.

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

talking on the phone.

to my 'brother

i met someone lately, and he's one of the nicest ppl ive ever came across in my life. he's smart, kind, good-looking even. most importantly, he loves me, and i too, love him. just the wrong kind. im writing this blog so if one day he came across this, he will understand the meaning behind the foggy actions of mine. i will always love him, as a friend, as a brother, as family. maybe in time, he will be something more. but i cannot promise anything. thankyou for your love though, it really means something to me. hopefully one day, you'll see me as a sister .

you're out of the picture.

does crying help anything, anyone? all i get from doing so is swollen eyes for a day, a headache plus a heartache. i broke down that night, i know that i made myself do so, i needed to cry so badly. i can't live with recording all my emotions in a diary, or swollowing my love down. cos dear, i packed everything away in a box. two tickets, a shirt, couple of coins, two diaries and every piece of scratch that ever belonged to that word- 'us'. everything tangible, i can pack into a box, but do you remember our conversation? me"why dont you use this money yur spending on dinner and everything else, on a present for me instead? it'll cost yu less and i get to keep sumthing!" you"one day you'll know, presents can be chucked away, memories cant, i want you to remember." well guess what? i do, i remember every little detail between us. im trying my best to go forward, but i end up hurting everyone on the way. you're not the guy that loved me most, you're not the guy that i wished for. but you're the one that gave me so many of those memories you were talking about. thanks but no thanks. i tried to hate you, but i cant. i cant love you either. i know you're pretty inlove with gg so you will know this line right "chuck's a part of me, he'll always be." just change the 'chuck' to your name and thats how i feel. ive had enough of it though, ive had enough of toturing myself for you. so ive decided to chuck the box, and keep the memories locked away in a piece of forever. i realised that ive been stupid to think id forget you, ever, but what i can do is, keep the past, in the past. i hope you're happy, you seem to be =) i will be too, as much as it hurts me to say, the world opend wider with you out of the picture.

my tears ran out, so did the love.

my dreams & the stranger

my dreams,,
i have many, they're all weird in their own way. i used to dream about flyying, but im losing those these days. i havent been able to grow wings and feel the wind blowing on my face for a while. And then there were million about the loved one, i would wake up with tears & try to fall asleep again, the dream stops there, i wish it'd continue. Then i really wake up, look around, it's another school day, dreams would never be more than dreams, reality demands so much more. Rainbows & butterflies? fucck that, I gotta answer my alarm clock.

to the stranger;
everyone is no more than strangers when they first know, so it's funny how some get so close, too close, & others remain no more than prejudice. I was on the train today, looking around, everyone carried a tired face sumwhat, there was a BIG man LOL with a beer belly; a middle aged lady reading MX; a hot ass chick dressed in full black and had hair i wanted badly. It was easy to judge, but who knows, they all carry a different story, and it's a miracle itself that we would be in that very same carriage, heading to different directions, into our own lives. to all the people i just aint lucky enough to meet yet, hope everything goes well, stay true to yur heart, love, & im sure yu'll be loved =)

rents & siblings

dear mummy,
i love you. i miss the days when we would just roam around for new clothes, new shoes and you'd dress me like your live barbie. i was young, and i would nod at everything you suggested. i love the way you used to brush my hair, you cut it, brush it, plat it. you would put a dress on me, always some shade of pink, n tell me "oh my, i wished my mother dressed me this way back then, but i'm not lucky enough to have my mum by my side, they were divorced." yu'd look out the window, and pray & promise that it'll never happen to yur daughter. but mummy, it happend anyways, & i know your not to blame, its okay, im living. i lost yu for 3 years there mum, 3 fucking years that i wasnt allowed to contact yu, im just happy to have yu back in my life. ive worked so hard to make yu happy mum, i wish i could tell yu everything ive been through to stay by your side, to cope with life, it was hard but yu were there, everyday. im so sorry i ruined it, life ruined it, & now im right bak where i started, only being able to hear yu through a telephone. every fucking person tells me the same thing, to never grow up to be like yu, yu were too free, yu followed yur heart, yu loved someone that'll never treat yu right, i cant reverse anything, i cant be yur lil girl anymore, but i want yu to know, im proud of yu, im proud of the way yu believd in the word love, & im just like yu <3




dad,
well, im listening to "when im gone", so does that say something about the way i feel? i love you, but yur my main sorce of pain. i want yu to be happy but im not alive to live to yur standards, they're too high, im not here to heal the pain in yur life, i have my own pains, im dont exist so i could listen to yur raging & blames, no ones perfect. im sorry in this life i cant be what yu expected, im sorry im yur main sorce of shame, & yu make me cry every night. im sorry im me, and im sorry yur yu. im sorry life pushed us together, im sorry that we're related. im sorry dad.




dear siblinggs,
hahahaa, well, im the bigg sis ofc, yu guys are so younggg. it's like lil dolls running around the house. im sorry i keep my distance sometimes, i dont like lil kidss, too noisyy. specially lil boys, its like OMG == but i love yur company sarah, yur kool xD nah i love yu threee <3
just have an awesome life when yuus hit my age, study hard, and make sure yu guys are obedient to rents, shit relo with rents= a headache that even panadol cant fix. just grow up to be nothing like me, be nerdddy, be good & stay home on the weekends. make me proud. love & be loved. <3>

bestfriend ; crushh

1. Bestfriend
i don't believ in the bffl talk, cos if i were to choose a bestie, i have a few too many on heart. but i would love to write this to one girl atm that sticks by my side everyday.
dear lar,
how should i begin? i love you =) we've known each other for around 1yr & 2 months properly, mm i admit in yr7 & half wayy through year8 i had no idea who yu were, & yu only knew me as "the girl to octapus hair" :P but since ive got to know you, we grew tight didnt we? sumtimes we get annoyed at each other, simply because we see each other on a 24/7 basis & it does bring out sum bad bits in us. we're both stingy lil asians that obsess over our hair colour, we get into so much trouble sometimes, most the time really, & we both hate maths, n are happily settled in the very bad 9M5 x) there's so much to say babe, we share drinks, money, time, laughter & occasionally a bed, i never knew 2 ppl could do so many things togetherr, spend so much time & still bothered to call each other for hours on end. we're weird creatures =) i'm always being corny, and yu mite reply "ohh gee what should i ever do if i dont see yur face?" with yur famously ridiculour sarcasm. but i wanna reply, without any sarcasm involved "i think id chuck a cry in the corner then make a trek to find yu hun" <3
-love, lucy




2. Crushh
dear dooof x),
hmm, its the beginning of winter, beginning to kno you better, beginning to share the many memories i hope to have withyu, beginning of sumthing completly brand new. just let me say that yur a lil random, with a odd sense of humour, & yur constantly correcting the stuff i say& patting me on the head --'' despite all that, you make me feel special, & yu should know that yu're special too, in many ways=) im off to camp, leaving my smile behind with yu, make sure yu take good care of it <3 mwa~
-love, lucy

30 letters postin`

COPIED THIS FROM LINDAA BABES, thankyuuu for a special idea =) hope yu dont mind i cp it, its super cute <3

1 - Your Best FriendDay

2 - Your CrushDay

3 - Your parentsDay

4 - Your siblingDay

5 - Your dreamsDay

6 - A strangerDay

7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/love/crushDay

8 - Your favorite internet friendDay

9 - Someone you wish you could meetDay

10 - Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like toDay

11 - A Deceased person you wish you could talk toDay

12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of painDay

13 - Someone you wish could forgive youDay

14 - Someone you’ve drifted away fromDay

15 - The person you miss the mostDay

16 - Someone that’s not in your state/countryDay

17 - Someone from your childhoodDay

18 - The person that you wish you could beDay

19 - Someone that pesters your mind } good or badDay

20 - The one that broke your heart the hardestDay

21 - Someone you judged by their first impressionDay

22 - Someone you want to give a second chance toDay

23 - The last person you kissedDay

24 - The person that gave you your favorite memoryDay

25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of timesDay

26 - The last person you made a pinky promise toDay

27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one dayDay

28 - Someone that changed your lifeDay

29 - The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid toDay

30 - Your reflection in the mirror

.

just crusing along
life is fine, not to boring, not to exciting either
listening to a recent favorate song,
it's taken my heart and put my mind on replay
its one of those things yu do when yur ,
soul stays in the past
body numb at present
heart fearing the future
steaming some asian sticky rice thingy in the kitchen
tryna be thankful for the smallest things in life
like every story says, every song plays
life is gonna be okay, eventually.
sumtimes we need to grow up
we need to learn the art of giving up, giving in
im learning, as always i'm far from acing this subject
but just cruising along
the stickyrice should be cooked now
its all gonna be fine.
one day

i wanna swear

im not picking up any calls, im supposed to but i have no interest in speaking for the sake of speaking today. just today, let me get a break from making someone else happy just because i don't want them to feel the heartache i feel. today, i just want to dwell in my own grief. im turning off my phone, logging off facebook, signing off msn. today, i just want to drown in my own tears. fed up with forcing myself to pick up calls, to laugh at things that just aint that funny, to put efforts into something that should come effortlessly-a smile.
i feel motherfucking shit
i feel motherfucking bored
i feel motherfucking cold
i feel motherfucking sick
i feel motherfucking regretful
i feel motherfucking .. inlove.
i fucking miss just one stupid motherfucker.
><

i hate you.

i truly hate you;
but someone told me
hate is the closest emotion to love.
damm

identity

identity, who you are, & where you belong
nobody wonders those on a daily basis, but lately ive started that bad habit
everyday i would sit, wait for a miracle to happen
maybe a genie that'll tell me who i really am
i used to think that i belonged to my parents
i used to think that i belonged to a school
i used to think that i belonged to a certain crowd
i used to think that i belonged to a lifestyle
i used to think that i belonged to a haircolour
i used to think that i belonged to him
i used to think, i belonged to something out there.
until all that crashed down on me, reality cruely creeping into every part of me
saying, no, it aint yur destiny
then i held on to the hope that i belonged to myself
but my own heart pushed me away and told me
no, it aint your destiny






____ hun,
i think i found my 'destiny' when i saw you today
out of nowhere, always like this, always unplanned
everytime you appear, catching me offguard
everytime i fall, you manage to let go
my destiny was not with you
it was not with me
i finally realised where'd it went
but i have no directions to follow
you threw it away, locked the doors and abandoned the keys
didnt even give me a chance to see my own future unfold.

not good enough.

"im not good enough for you"

thats a phrase that is over-used to the max, usually accompanied by "its not you, its me." ive sed that many times & i didnt mean it, ive heard the ones i loved say that to me & i know they didnt mean it.

but if whoever may believe, have the last bit of faith in me, then take it in when i say this once again.

"im not good enough for you"

you really do care for me, i can tell, i can see it, hear it, feel it. but im not good enough for yu.

this time, believ it when i try to say, its not you, its me.

im sorry for making you confused, truth is im more confused than you

i don't know what im doing, saying, feeling

i just know i shouldn't drag yu into this cyclone of misunderstandings.

i dont know what life means, what the future holds for me

i just know i should let yu walk straigh ahead without my interuptions

i dont know what caring for sumone is like, or vice-versa, being taken care of feels like

i just know that you send me a warm vibe, that i shouldn't take for granted

i dont know what i have to say to make things right

i just know that if i pick up my fone your one the other side waiting

i dont know nothing

i just know that you're everything i'd never be

i dont know what love really mean

i just know that i love him dearly.

so sorry, im not good enough for you

i just know that i'd only deserve a hugg thats friendly.

life in general x)

life sucks when detensions are required, i swear :P

whats happening lately, hmmmm

i just know that me& lar havent been home before curefew in a while.. TT''

and i havent had enough money to even catch a movie for a while

so thankyuuus justin & justin for shoutingg k & drinks, xD

thankyuuu alice & libby for shouting ice-creams & food

thankyuu bibs for shouting YOU-KNOW-WHAT :LL

and sorry chang cos i broke ur laptop case, ill replace yurs with mine=)

(if im feeling generous that is)

but hey yu BURNT MY EYELASHES, that makes up for anything i do xD

so yeaa ppls, my eyelashes, which i am so proud of, are burnt so they look zig-zag now ==''

cos basically chang made me play with dangerous fire T____T

but meh, i love yuus all <3

IM OBSESSED WITH GOSSIP GIRLS, no, to be more specific

im obsessed with CHUCK BASSSS. fuck i love that guy.

smex smex smexxxxay~^^

"why yu so obssed with me~~ lalalalala~~~"

alright before i go high i shal bring myself low low low low low~~ applebottomjeans~~~ OK STOP LOL

the LOW bit of life,

hmmm is that im sleep deprived

im always hungry but there's no money to buy food

im put in detensions simply cos the teachers hate me TT

my friends dont approve of me watching GG ):

& that im kinda confused about my own feelings, its like, WTH eww i dont like ***! WTF yes i do! ==''

then i end up punching myself in the face x.x yea it hurts.

byebye ppls. i love yus & yu know it.

-luccy x)

p.s

btw, i do miss sumone a fucking lot, the only thing im sure of :L

new start or the past haunting?

been so long, havent felt butterflies
so this lil flutter, twist & turn in my stomach
is it catepillar finally gonna grow wings?
ive known who you are
its been long long long
but i finally realised what you are
how much you move me
how many feelings you make me feel
how i twist my fone around,
should i text, should i not
should i even believe my own feelings
the past haunts me
the future scares me
i wanna grab on to now & present beauty
but even that's slipping
tell me honey, if this may be a new beginning
& not ever the past growing bigger in me
you're unique, but you're also like the one from yesterday
you're special, but you're aslo my uncertanty.

fake.

ive had the scariest, darkest fucking lil exp of my life today
all for a reason so little, all so i could see, the true side of ppl
some ppl may appear glamourous, beautiful & kind when yu see them at that party
but when it comes to those scary moments, you have no idea what they can become
you have no idea, under that pretty face, whats the real colour under that fine toned body..

im learning, learning to accept those with a kind heart, and those fake angels with fake giggles & laughs, just fuck off.

i love rainbows, i love you.

everytime i look up to the sky
ive got you , on my mind
the colours of the rainbow shine so bright
everytime i look into your eyes
its the colours of the rainbow that feed my soul
over & over
just like you do






a lil dedi to a loved one,
love you with all the colours of the rainbow
different shades in different ways
thankyou
for warming my heart all along
over & over
like my rainbow after the stormy weather


<3

我们都不是坏孩子 =)

oh dear blogger im bak !

i couldnt sign on to this shit in china, nor fb ):

firstly a really BIGG thankyou to tralia for helping me change my profile pic while i was away, very nice of her~ <3

china was very goood, beta than id expected, thanks to no REHAB this time ==''

i actually got properly let out teeeheee <3

however, lucy+ go out= insanity

so yeaaaah kinda went crazy with the shopping part of life aha.

but i learnt new skills at bargining, srsli. i physically made two pairs of ear-rings thats worth 50rmb each into 2 for 25rmb!

ohyeaaaaah. im not completely hopeless at maths am i ;D

to thank my dear parents :LLLL for actually letting me go out, i stayed very good.

sleep til 1pm everyday. have brunch the watch tv til 6pm. then teeeeheeeeee, thats when china kids get let out of skool ofc, so me go pik em up n go out teeeheeee. mm but mind uu i always rush home before 10pm . very good girl ;D

OH YEAAH (Y)

nnnnways, i shall post fotos of my shopping bags lattter when less jet-lagged

for now, for those who understand chinese , got a very nice piece of.. writing that madee lucy cry to show yuus. =D

FOR ALL KIDDS BORN AFTER THE YEAR 1990. (US)

我们都不是坏孩子

别看我们头发拉了、烫了、染了、吹了

衣服亮了、多了、贵了、薄了。

我们都不是坏孩子、

尽管我们上网、打架、旷课、早恋。

我们都不是坏孩子，

虽然我们贪玩爱狂，却也知道为人要正直，做事要光明，讲义气，负责任。

我们都不是坏孩子，

所以人不犯我我不犯人。

我们都不是坏孩子，

尽管上课跑神，也还是会乖乖走进考场。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们也知道前途重要，

如果我们放弃学业，也是因为明了心不静、

学不好、钱花了、不得好。

我们都不是坏孩子，

没人知道我们所受的煎熬，没人清楚我们内心的呼唤。

所以我们学会了伪装。

人前面，他点支烟佯装自己无所谓世事；

她嘻嘻笑佯装自己快乐的要死掉。

谁了解，墙壁下他只留背影的孤独，

角落里她回忆时痛苦的泪珠。

点支烟、抽掉的是寂寞，

抹点粉、埋下的是疲倦。

这样的日子表面上很浪漫却早已让我们心生厌倦。

我们都不是坏孩子，

因为我们也有没人分担的苦。

我们都是深情的人，

尽管身边的他（她）换来换去，

心中的他（她）却谁也代替不了。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们也有无奈。

想他（她）时，一个人、

在角落里抽掉整包整包的香烟，

在被窝里擦掉整盒整盒的纸巾，

抬起头依旧皮笑肉不笑：

没什么大不了。

我们都不是坏孩子，

即使我们会在试卷上画猫猫，

也会在前一秒后悔自己在上课睡觉。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们只乞求一点点鼓励、一点点温暖，

我们只想要一句安慰，一个拥抱。

明天的路还很长，

我们却没有方向，

因为我们总是满不在乎的坚持着寻求着认证着我们都不是坏孩子。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们也想学习好，都是也想会心地笑，

我们也想追求纯真的梦想。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们受过太多的伤，因此我们学会了伪装，

装冷酷、装快乐、装自大、装成熟，

我们想要保护自己不再受伤。

我们都不是坏孩子，

只是因为伪装交了些酒肉朋友。

我们都不是坏孩子，

请不要一莫需有的罪名给我们扣上“问题少年”的帽子。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们只是在给你们做陪衬，衬托你们的贤稳重。

明天的路依旧在，

我们依旧大踏步着前进，

因为我们有梦想，有期盼，

我们也会努力生活。

我们都不是坏孩子，

我们的明天依旧精彩！

-lucccy.

taking babysteps, one last time.

ive beeen living off this song for ages, ignoring the fact that lar hates it and complains to me everyday how shit & old it is :L

in fact, im listening to it as i blog

the lyrics draws me away from fantasy, back into my own reality

"like a nightmare I lived it, it was to big to ignore~"

from broken to frozen

& still, the heart doesnt seem to show any signs of defrosting

trynaa take one step at a time, climbing out from what seems to be a cold destiny

but i keep falling back & falling deep.

sometimes i stand at the bottom, i calm down, watching myself sink

id think, cmon, there ought to be an end to drowning

when i let out the last bit of oxygen, maybe i wont feel the pain anymore

when the first gulp of frozen water finds its way into me, the memories actually flash right before my eyes. so i couldn't find the exit, i cant even stand still, cos there is no limit, no bottom to this aching, bloody, frozen sea of nightmares.

after all this shit, i still refused to call out help

*pouring out emotions. one last time. i promise

listen to yu =/

AVOID AVOID AVOID

the whole fucking world tells me to avoid bad situations

but i remember what yu used to say to me

"stand up for yourself"

& thats the voice im gonna listen to

i kept those words at the back of my head

all this time

this time,

even though, the situation might be created by yu

im just gonna use what yu taught me against yu

standing up for myself, right infront of yu

not fun, but yu said so.

wondering.

i wonder i wonder

does punches feel as hard as they look??

only ever got birthdayy punches

AND THEY HURT LMAO.

i wonder i wonder

does everyone need to be protected by sumone else?

dont people just go weaker & weaker that wayy?

i know i did, it was hard to grow up again after too much care.

i wonder i wonder

are responsibilities hard to take?

caring for someone, making sure they're okayy

when yur in danger yurself, is that really okayy?

i wonder i wonder

everything that might be coming my way

would it hurt;

do i need a shield;

and how responsible can i be?

i wonder i wonder

should i rebel against pain

or should i go buy bandaids.

should i laugh at its facee

or just avoid the obstacle?

i wonder i wonder

if help is actually help

or is copping it more helpful

i wonder i wonder

are yu okay

cos im alrite.

=)

STRESSED.

i just finished watchingg Autumn's Concerto, its horrible when i get my drama craze, i tend to appear offline on msn and ignoree fb n go into this lil world of my own.

its a sweet series srsly, i cried like fucking one tissue box, dad probs thought i was a idiot, locked up in my room, not eating dinner just crying my eyes out :P

i lovee the ending, nice n sweet. and secretly wish RL could be sumthing close.

but nahh, life atm, I'm trying to see the bright side but im soo tired

i'm sick of taking care of ppl sumtimes, just wish the world could leave me alonee

but sumthing called responsibility just doesnt f*** off so yeah, here i am.

i should srsli go eat sum ice-cream n make myself feel beta :P

i dont usually complain about a certain anyone in these blogs, but atm there's this incident thats really pissing me offf.

WHAT MAKES PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN TREAT OTHERS LIKE SHIT?

on fridaayy i felt as if the world has betrayed me.

i hate the feeling of shoving on a tough face when tears are just that close to exploding or sum shit. LOL

im perfectly fine with the LOVE part of betrayal, yea its kool, i needed to shove sum cotton in that hole in my heart anyways .

but friendship? srsli bro, i thought its one of those things that stays, ive never given a second thought to what a friend should be. a friend= a friend forever yeaa? but certain ungrateful ppl just has to bring me down. siggh :P

& ontop of that, i'm like getting threatened ==''

its funny cos im actually not scared, a few bruises dont hurt, i reckon? LOL

well~ through all this time ive stil got a happy bunch around me, its kool to know they'd always be there.

unneccesary ppl- just leave me ALONE.

imma only gonna love ppl to loves me bak ^^

okay me stop complaining. just tired in general, stressful stuff.

hope everyone looking at this blog, choose yur friends carefully. its actually painful getting stabbed in the bak :L

byebye~ tC.

MONDAY

ITS A MONDAAY.

&& i havent blogged for ages.

ive been busy lately =))

photos of me & my new stuff!

ohhh im just so obssed with leprod print atm =DDDDD

&

yepppp. thats me ^ (i look old =O)

mondays are not kool. srsli.

exept for going for my weekily coffeee at pumpkin =DDD

but this stupid maniac dude took my lil pink flashyyy lighter n wouldn't give it bak T.T

srsli the world's hot guys have extinct, all that left is BIG dudes with annoying voices, lar, yu know what im talking about :LL

on a more positive notee, i also owe gary bro a coffee xD, shout him when im rich again :P sighhh hows that positive anyways =/ =D

right now imma listening to 猜不透 by 丁噹.

im so used to 得过且过 .

i wish all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away.

why can't it, why can't it just f*** off and not follow me? im happy right now, empty but happy LOL

who can really live a life to the fullest, people always want more, more & more. why can't everyone just be satisfied, why cant I be happy with what i have?

i have everything i need, really, the best friends in the universe, a nerdy but GOOD skool, loving family, and love life, well fuck the love life for now LOL. i should be satisfied. life is short n awesome.

but this huge black hole in my heart, what do i fill it with :LL

cotton?

kayyy no more depressing talks. this is the monday story of a girl.

seeeyus laterz =D

p.s larrr& bec, these two chicks made my day. as usual. :LL

-luccy

who are yu.

sometimes id rather just wake up

and pooof~

nice dream. just a dream =))

4th-

i shouldn't, but let me be depressing for once :L

its the 4th tomrw. im.. cant say hate, just scared of this date

i started and ended everything, well, what used to be everything on this day

and both of em, were my very own choice.

i ought to not regret a single decision ive made

i try not to anyways..

but this is a special blog, given just to this date. The 4th.

september the 4th- i fell inlove with this date, i grew up on this day, there was beautiful coffee with two sugars.

october the 4th- i was at the centre of sydney, lots above the ground, i laughed, loved, smiled, my heart pounded to a realistic beat al the way til nightfall, and beyond .

november the 4th- peace, a world of peace, i enjoyed every part of life. i smiled when you smiled, cried when you cried. joyful to just watch the world grow up.

then things started getting wrong, really wrong.

december the 4th- i tore the fairytale apart myself, lots of regrets, no going back. the city lights contrasted with my tears, only mine.

january the 4th- i blocked any thought that went through my head, i was smiling that day, my heart at a steady rate, but i couldnt feel my heartbeat.

tommorrow, feb the 4th- i will smile, i will laugh, i will do everything in the correct order, i will learn, i will live, my heart will be pounding, brain working, id be alive.

for the many upcoming 4th,

im ready, and let me get better.

sick of not having a heartbeat; sick of leaving blanks in my diary; sick of hating; sick of missing; sick of love songs and sick of remembering.

let me be better.

let me actually feel this summer?

-bay.

it wasnt my story.

currently reading someone's blog
& listening to '没那么简单'.
doing homework
& eating dinner? LMAO
its so me again, i like the state im in
loving my personal space

so im reading her blog, its from a while bak

ive read it a few months ago already

just going over it again, but it feels different this time

i understand her now, thats all i can say

and im starting to realise something that i knew

& always refused to admit

its their story.

even if that story did end

it was never my turn, nor was it the start of another story

so just wanna apologise to both of em, specially her.

im happily outta it now

and thanks to her, i learnt a lot

i use to think that my love was to a max

that no one could simply do what i do

but now once again i admit, her love, pure & real

even if its in the past, it beats mine by a mile

im still young, so young that i dont even realise myself

but it still hurts though

realising what i realised

put my whole heart into it, changed myself a lot

and through the plot i was just another chapter?

take a lot outta me to admit

but looking back, lemme still hold an innocent heart

sincere apologies to beautiful memories that belong to others

sincere apologies to love that i accidently bumped into

sincere apologies to people i loved, love, will love.

sincere apologies to... myself, to the young girl i was

to the immature self

to the naive heart i gave

to the pure love i held

and

thanks to all

thankyou , miss XXX, for not breaking my bubble dreams

thankyou , mr XXX, for making it seem real

thanks to self, for waking up to your own dream

tomrw's still mine, i'll find whats mine

next time, lemme hold on and not pop the bubble

cos there ought to be no fake bubble to begin with.

sorry & thankyou.

ive grown up

hehe

(:

im BACKKK!

bak & settled from holidayy

its school tomrw =O

haha needa get lar to teach me eng again

forgot it all in china ><

its been fun so far

2010

xD

went to BBQ on AUSSIE DAYY~~~

wow i stayed SOBERR infront of all those drinks xD

i swear there was my personal fav

rasberrri smirof <3<3

maybe cos that tony B guy was holding it

and that drunko was being stingyyy haha

didnt even give me a full cup T______T

and ALLAN actually decided to pour the whole beer on the ground==''

broke my heart

hey it took me forever shoving that lemon into the bottle !

so i guess i had to stay soberr

everyone went so crazy, all 30+ ppl i swear T.T

thank god i wasnt rolling on the ground and JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE like a girl did ..

sober is kool LOL.

i tried to get home early that day :LLL

sed byebye to the group and went to fetch for icecream xD

GELOTISMO!!!!! <3<3<3

after that- resist all urge to stay out~went home :P

i hate my freakin curfew- b4 DINNER wth ==''

oh,, & i met HIM LOOOOL.

he's so much so much like 'him'

but heaps nicer? XD

i spent the whole time trying to chuck paper at him

just cos he's so much like 'him' ==''

Next day (wednesday?)

ohhh that was heaps fun fun !

went beaching with belle !

SORRY I WAS LATE

AND MADE US MISS THE BUS TT''

and bel kept blaming for the fact that there was no sun T.T

the sky looked chinese, so grey :P

but nice waves, kept making us fall over D:

we got tired like 5 minutes later lmao

went to eat eat eat xD

& luvoingg

LOTS OF FUNN with baybeee. xD

lucy's gotta be nothing without belleh

she's coming over this weekend!

woot sleepover =DD

love everyone! thats it for noww (:

lucys back & very happy

<3

ps. this blogg shal be JUST.me from now on; the other half of it is too busy :L