my dreams,,
i have many, they're all weird in their own way. i used to dream about flyying, but im losing those these days. i havent been able to grow wings and feel the wind blowing on my face for a while. And then there were million about the loved one, i would wake up with tears & try to fall asleep again, the dream stops there, i wish it'd continue. Then i really wake up, look around, it's another school day, dreams would never be more than dreams, reality demands so much more. Rainbows & butterflies? fucck that, I gotta answer my alarm clock.
to the stranger;
everyone is no more than strangers when they first know, so it's funny how some get so close, too close, & others remain no more than prejudice. I was on the train today, looking around, everyone carried a tired face sumwhat, there was a BIG man LOL with a beer belly; a middle aged lady reading MX; a hot ass chick dressed in full black and had hair i wanted badly. It was easy to judge, but who knows, they all carry a different story, and it's a miracle itself that we would be in that very same carriage, heading to different directions, into our own lives. to all the people i just aint lucky enough to meet yet, hope everything goes well, stay true to yur heart, love, & im sure yu'll be loved =)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
rents & siblings
dear mummy,
i love you. i miss the days when we would just roam around for new clothes, new shoes and you'd dress me like your live barbie. i was young, and i would nod at everything you suggested. i love the way you used to brush my hair, you cut it, brush it, plat it. you would put a dress on me, always some shade of pink, n tell me "oh my, i wished my mother dressed me this way back then, but i'm not lucky enough to have my mum by my side, they were divorced." yu'd look out the window, and pray & promise that it'll never happen to yur daughter. but mummy, it happend anyways, & i know your not to blame, its okay, im living. i lost yu for 3 years there mum, 3 fucking years that i wasnt allowed to contact yu, im just happy to have yu back in my life. ive worked so hard to make yu happy mum, i wish i could tell yu everything ive been through to stay by your side, to cope with life, it was hard but yu were there, everyday. im so sorry i ruined it, life ruined it, & now im right bak where i started, only being able to hear yu through a telephone. every fucking person tells me the same thing, to never grow up to be like yu, yu were too free, yu followed yur heart, yu loved someone that'll never treat yu right, i cant reverse anything, i cant be yur lil girl anymore, but i want yu to know, im proud of yu, im proud of the way yu believd in the word love, & im just like yu <3
dad,
well, im listening to "when im gone", so does that say something about the way i feel? i love you, but yur my main sorce of pain. i want yu to be happy but im not alive to live to yur standards, they're too high, im not here to heal the pain in yur life, i have my own pains, im dont exist so i could listen to yur raging & blames, no ones perfect. im sorry in this life i cant be what yu expected, im sorry im yur main sorce of shame, & yu make me cry every night. im sorry im me, and im sorry yur yu. im sorry life pushed us together, im sorry that we're related. im sorry dad.
dear siblinggs,
hahahaa, well, im the bigg sis ofc, yu guys are so younggg. it's like lil dolls running around the house. im sorry i keep my distance sometimes, i dont like lil kidss, too noisyy. specially lil boys, its like OMG == but i love yur company sarah, yur kool xD nah i love yu threee <3
just have an awesome life when yuus hit my age, study hard, and make sure yu guys are obedient to rents, shit relo with rents= a headache that even panadol cant fix. just grow up to be nothing like me, be nerdddy, be good & stay home on the weekends. make me proud. love & be loved. <3>
i love you. i miss the days when we would just roam around for new clothes, new shoes and you'd dress me like your live barbie. i was young, and i would nod at everything you suggested. i love the way you used to brush my hair, you cut it, brush it, plat it. you would put a dress on me, always some shade of pink, n tell me "oh my, i wished my mother dressed me this way back then, but i'm not lucky enough to have my mum by my side, they were divorced." yu'd look out the window, and pray & promise that it'll never happen to yur daughter. but mummy, it happend anyways, & i know your not to blame, its okay, im living. i lost yu for 3 years there mum, 3 fucking years that i wasnt allowed to contact yu, im just happy to have yu back in my life. ive worked so hard to make yu happy mum, i wish i could tell yu everything ive been through to stay by your side, to cope with life, it was hard but yu were there, everyday. im so sorry i ruined it, life ruined it, & now im right bak where i started, only being able to hear yu through a telephone. every fucking person tells me the same thing, to never grow up to be like yu, yu were too free, yu followed yur heart, yu loved someone that'll never treat yu right, i cant reverse anything, i cant be yur lil girl anymore, but i want yu to know, im proud of yu, im proud of the way yu believd in the word love, & im just like yu <3
dad,
well, im listening to "when im gone", so does that say something about the way i feel? i love you, but yur my main sorce of pain. i want yu to be happy but im not alive to live to yur standards, they're too high, im not here to heal the pain in yur life, i have my own pains, im dont exist so i could listen to yur raging & blames, no ones perfect. im sorry in this life i cant be what yu expected, im sorry im yur main sorce of shame, & yu make me cry every night. im sorry im me, and im sorry yur yu. im sorry life pushed us together, im sorry that we're related. im sorry dad.
dear siblinggs,
hahahaa, well, im the bigg sis ofc, yu guys are so younggg. it's like lil dolls running around the house. im sorry i keep my distance sometimes, i dont like lil kidss, too noisyy. specially lil boys, its like OMG == but i love yur company sarah, yur kool xD nah i love yu threee <3
just have an awesome life when yuus hit my age, study hard, and make sure yu guys are obedient to rents, shit relo with rents= a headache that even panadol cant fix. just grow up to be nothing like me, be nerdddy, be good & stay home on the weekends. make me proud. love & be loved. <3>
Monday, June 7, 2010
bestfriend ; crushh
1. Bestfriend
i don't believ in the bffl talk, cos if i were to choose a bestie, i have a few too many on heart. but i would love to write this to one girl atm that sticks by my side everyday.
dear lar,
how should i begin? i love you =) we've known each other for around 1yr & 2 months properly, mm i admit in yr7 & half wayy through year8 i had no idea who yu were, & yu only knew me as "the girl to octapus hair" :P but since ive got to know you, we grew tight didnt we? sumtimes we get annoyed at each other, simply because we see each other on a 24/7 basis & it does bring out sum bad bits in us. we're both stingy lil asians that obsess over our hair colour, we get into so much trouble sometimes, most the time really, & we both hate maths, n are happily settled in the very bad 9M5 x) there's so much to say babe, we share drinks, money, time, laughter & occasionally a bed, i never knew 2 ppl could do so many things togetherr, spend so much time & still bothered to call each other for hours on end. we're weird creatures =) i'm always being corny, and yu mite reply "ohh gee what should i ever do if i dont see yur face?" with yur famously ridiculour sarcasm. but i wanna reply, without any sarcasm involved "i think id chuck a cry in the corner then make a trek to find yu hun" <3
-love, lucy
2. Crushh
dear dooof x),
hmm, its the beginning of winter, beginning to kno you better, beginning to share the many memories i hope to have withyu, beginning of sumthing completly brand new. just let me say that yur a lil random, with a odd sense of humour, & yur constantly correcting the stuff i say& patting me on the head --'' despite all that, you make me feel special, & yu should know that yu're special too, in many ways=) im off to camp, leaving my smile behind with yu, make sure yu take good care of it <3 mwa~
-love, lucy
i don't believ in the bffl talk, cos if i were to choose a bestie, i have a few too many on heart. but i would love to write this to one girl atm that sticks by my side everyday.
dear lar,
how should i begin? i love you =) we've known each other for around 1yr & 2 months properly, mm i admit in yr7 & half wayy through year8 i had no idea who yu were, & yu only knew me as "the girl to octapus hair" :P but since ive got to know you, we grew tight didnt we? sumtimes we get annoyed at each other, simply because we see each other on a 24/7 basis & it does bring out sum bad bits in us. we're both stingy lil asians that obsess over our hair colour, we get into so much trouble sometimes, most the time really, & we both hate maths, n are happily settled in the very bad 9M5 x) there's so much to say babe, we share drinks, money, time, laughter & occasionally a bed, i never knew 2 ppl could do so many things togetherr, spend so much time & still bothered to call each other for hours on end. we're weird creatures =) i'm always being corny, and yu mite reply "ohh gee what should i ever do if i dont see yur face?" with yur famously ridiculour sarcasm. but i wanna reply, without any sarcasm involved "i think id chuck a cry in the corner then make a trek to find yu hun" <3
-love, lucy
2. Crushh
dear dooof x),
hmm, its the beginning of winter, beginning to kno you better, beginning to share the many memories i hope to have withyu, beginning of sumthing completly brand new. just let me say that yur a lil random, with a odd sense of humour, & yur constantly correcting the stuff i say& patting me on the head --'' despite all that, you make me feel special, & yu should know that yu're special too, in many ways=) im off to camp, leaving my smile behind with yu, make sure yu take good care of it <3 mwa~
-love, lucy
30 letters postin`
COPIED THIS FROM LINDAA BABES, thankyuuu for a special idea =) hope yu dont mind i cp it, its super cute <3
1 - Your Best FriendDay
2 - Your CrushDay
3 - Your parentsDay
4 - Your siblingDay
5 - Your dreamsDay
6 - A strangerDay
7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/love/crushDay
8 - Your favorite internet friendDay
9 - Someone you wish you could meetDay
10 - Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like toDay
11 - A Deceased person you wish you could talk toDay
12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of painDay
13 - Someone you wish could forgive youDay
14 - Someone you’ve drifted away fromDay
15 - The person you miss the mostDay
16 - Someone that’s not in your state/countryDay
17 - Someone from your childhoodDay
18 - The person that you wish you could beDay
19 - Someone that pesters your mind } good or badDay
20 - The one that broke your heart the hardestDay
21 - Someone you judged by their first impressionDay
22 - Someone you want to give a second chance toDay
23 - The last person you kissedDay
24 - The person that gave you your favorite memoryDay
25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of timesDay
26 - The last person you made a pinky promise toDay
27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one dayDay
28 - Someone that changed your lifeDay
29 - The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid toDay
30 - Your reflection in the mirror
Friday, June 4, 2010
.
just crusing along
life is fine, not to boring, not to exciting either
listening to a recent favorate song,
it's taken my heart and put my mind on replay
its one of those things yu do when yur ,
soul stays in the past
body numb at present
heart fearing the future
steaming some asian sticky rice thingy in the kitchen
tryna be thankful for the smallest things in life
like every story says, every song plays
life is gonna be okay, eventually.
sumtimes we need to grow up
we need to learn the art of giving up, giving in
im learning, as always i'm far from acing this subject
but just cruising along
the stickyrice should be cooked now
its all gonna be fine.
one day
life is fine, not to boring, not to exciting either
listening to a recent favorate song,
it's taken my heart and put my mind on replay
its one of those things yu do when yur ,
soul stays in the past
body numb at present
heart fearing the future
steaming some asian sticky rice thingy in the kitchen
tryna be thankful for the smallest things in life
like every story says, every song plays
life is gonna be okay, eventually.
sumtimes we need to grow up
we need to learn the art of giving up, giving in
im learning, as always i'm far from acing this subject
but just cruising along
the stickyrice should be cooked now
its all gonna be fine.
one day
Thursday, June 3, 2010
i wanna swear
im not picking up any calls, im supposed to but i have no interest in speaking for the sake of speaking today. just today, let me get a break from making someone else happy just because i don't want them to feel the heartache i feel. today, i just want to dwell in my own grief. im turning off my phone, logging off facebook, signing off msn. today, i just want to drown in my own tears. fed up with forcing myself to pick up calls, to laugh at things that just aint that funny, to put efforts into something that should come effortlessly-a smile.
i feel motherfucking shit
i feel motherfucking bored
i feel motherfucking cold
i feel motherfucking sick
i feel motherfucking regretful
i feel motherfucking .. inlove.
i fucking miss just one stupid motherfucker.
><
i feel motherfucking shit
i feel motherfucking bored
i feel motherfucking cold
i feel motherfucking sick
i feel motherfucking regretful
i feel motherfucking .. inlove.
i fucking miss just one stupid motherfucker.
><
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