4th-

i shouldn't, but let me be depressing for once :L

its the 4th tomrw. im.. cant say hate, just scared of this date

i started and ended everything, well, what used to be everything on this day

and both of em, were my very own choice.

i ought to not regret a single decision ive made

i try not to anyways..

but this is a special blog, given just to this date. The 4th.

september the 4th- i fell inlove with this date, i grew up on this day, there was beautiful coffee with two sugars.

october the 4th- i was at the centre of sydney, lots above the ground, i laughed, loved, smiled, my heart pounded to a realistic beat al the way til nightfall, and beyond .

november the 4th- peace, a world of peace, i enjoyed every part of life. i smiled when you smiled, cried when you cried. joyful to just watch the world grow up.

then things started getting wrong, really wrong.

december the 4th- i tore the fairytale apart myself, lots of regrets, no going back. the city lights contrasted with my tears, only mine.

january the 4th- i blocked any thought that went through my head, i was smiling that day, my heart at a steady rate, but i couldnt feel my heartbeat.

tommorrow, feb the 4th- i will smile, i will laugh, i will do everything in the correct order, i will learn, i will live, my heart will be pounding, brain working, id be alive.

for the many upcoming 4th,

im ready, and let me get better.

sick of not having a heartbeat; sick of leaving blanks in my diary; sick of hating; sick of missing; sick of love songs and sick of remembering.

let me be better.

let me actually feel this summer?

-bay.